19 december 2011

those are my parents, and my oldest brother. 
today, my parents have been married 33 years.  this is a post in honor of their honor and their trust and love.  they are so open and so loving to their children and everyone their children know.  they open their arms to those in need and i love that about them. 

also, my brother will be a father in a matter of weeks.  i felt the little one kick yesterday.  so crazy alien and so crazy cool.  props to the sister-in-law who's making that baby.  she is doing well and looking so cute. 

pics of europe when i can.  stupid laptop is still broken. 

home is here

you know that song? by edward sharp and the magnetic zeros? well, i don't have one of those people in my life, where home is with them. so, home is here. in california. and provo. and now london. my home is lots of places. i feel like sometimes i throw the word around. but really. home, as in america, is great. i love it here. the toilets are normal, the sinks have one faucet(it's called a faucet), my fam is here and my bed has missed me.

there is a lot of evidence on facebook right now that all my london friends miss it there. all the ridiculous sleepovers and the readings and the nights in south bank. i miss those too. but right now, i feel totally and completely content where i am. california. it's a wonderful place.

soon to be at this girl's wedding and i am ecstatic at seeing her home town and being with her family again. it's gonna be great.

dublin

yesterday ashley and i walked around, saw the book of kells(way cool) and fell asleep in the student center at trinity college. ate at busy bean cafe and shopped. had dinner at a lovely little restaurant. early this morning, she left.

i found the church building on my own this morning and i am SO PROUD of myself. guidance and answers to prayer come when you really need them. wowza. i got a tad lost, but found my way shortly. church was excellent. and after, i was invited to stay for a minor feast of manna. and tonight, there is a broadcast of the Christmas devo i'm sure you all saw last week.

i am loving this. two days of traveling, here i come. i leave tomorrow night.

glasgow

when i get home, i can post photos. but hanging out here with jade and bethany and ashley is so much fun.

we got indian food, and we went to kelvingrove art gallery and museum. also, we went to the people's palace. we stopped by the glasgow school of art, as well. a fun day.

to dublin early tomorrow.

see yous.

leaving london

today i left london.
today i rode on a coach for over 5 hours.
today i walked down bayswater and went into waterstone's for the last time in a long while.
today i felt sad.
today i felt glad.
today i almost cried.
today i am finally sitting on a couch and relaxing with only two people in my company.
today is an okay day.

update

last week we went to stratford-upon-avon and then to oxford. i really should write more about it. i will. but the sad news is my computer got stepped on. the screen is broke. so, no more pics. maybe i can find some way to get them on here, but don't expect anything from me. i'm still grieving.

seriously?

this is my view of hyde park walking home from the v&a after a few hours spent on the 6th floor[full of ceramics] and a little stop by the science museum.

is this really my life? seriously? i love it.

pictures of brighton

these pictures are the only ones i have of brighton. this day we went to greyhound stadium and watched 12 or 13 races. oh it was only about 4 hours. it was a great 4 hours. so relaxing. why didn't i take pictures of the dogs? don't ask me. i'm a fool.

that's hot cocoa in my hand. i think laura has candy.

our books. baha. even though bryn was trying really hard, the dog she picked to win lost. every time. literally. came in last place. it was hilarious. natalie thought so.

gummy lips.

gummy gums.

just really funny to me. these signs were at every entrance to the beach. had to snap a pic.

brighton

i just came back from brighton. it was wonderful.

i read a book in waterstone's bookstore. the whole book. in 3 hours. it felt so good.

our hostel was a little gross. and there were soooooo many people in that room. it was muggy.

the beach was beautiful. i ate a burger and chips and a soft drink for 4 pounds. brilliant. also, i saw the adventures of tin tin in 3-d and it was so good!

great weekend.

pictures maybe?

real feelings

today we went to see the gerhard richter show at the tate modern. i wasn't expecting to enjoy it, to be honest. the only work i had seen of his was stuff i wasn't really impressed with. so, i just wasn't expecting to love it.

it was prefaced by a really enjoyable walk with brooklynn. we talked about real things and shared real friend details about our lives. boys and families and future and problem solving and decision making. it was just real. and lovely.

so, we arrived at the tate and got tickets for the exhibition and went in. he is still alive and still painting. there were 13 different rooms with paintings and installations. there were two abstractions of lions that began the effect. the next room had richter's first attempts at using a squeegee to paint and i was in awe. i stared and i thought. for the very first time in my life, i was inspired to paint. i feel empowered by these paintings. and i can truthfully say that i have not been affected by paintings this way before. i'm not even sure i really love all of richter's work, but the idea of his lifetime of work, his continuation of work, his exploration and his dedication to art and painting and life, is inspiring to me. so inspiring that i will paint tonight. paint and use a lot of paint, and take risks and use colors i may or may not be comfortable with. i feel hopeful about finding a niche and living with a passion for the rest of my life. this may not make a ton of sense to someone not engaged with art every day, but this is a breakthrough for me.

i feel so good.

i've got just over a month left in europe and i am doing my best to continue this fake dream life i'm living. i have so much to see and do. i am so happy here. and i know that i will come back to europe. i feel the fire for seeing the world and i feel very hopeful about loving every inch of it. i can't wait.

back to real life in january. not going to think about it.

another note: i think it's really the fall leaves that make thanksgiving so full of gratitude and love. the colors of thanksgiving are the best of all the colors. and i am grateful for color, and for the season that has claim over the best ones.

paris

i went to the: tour eiffel.

arc de triomphe.

champs e'lysee.

sacre coeur

saw a man do impossible things with a soccer ball.

found the moulin rouge, well, laurie found it, actually.

visited oscar wilde's grave. and was devastated to find it wrapped up to be cleaned... i was very upset.

but got over it slightly when i saw chopin's grave.

ate a creme broulee flavored macaron and it was INSANE. got it at the galeries de lafayette.

saw the round about of round abouts. this is the top of the arc de triomphe.

went to the louvre.

saw notre dame.

sat by the seine on the most beautiful fall day with brooklynn and ashley and laurie.

not pictured: visiting the musee rodin, musee d'orsay, the orangerie, the quai branly museum, the pompidou, the boat tour, and my entire trip to versaille. oh, and the 7 crepes i ate. 5 days? yeah... yeah.

back from paris

paris is where it's at. i have really really enjoyed my time in london so far, but paris.... that is a real place. wow. a furious 5 days and i feel exhausted but fine. i did so much. i'll post pictures real soon.

just sittin by the seine, watching the leaves fall. it was a beautiful week.

primary

i teach the valiants at church. today we had the primary program. then i taught the valiants. then we had sharing time. i do not know how you do that every sunday.

i am exhausted.

a crab

there was this little dog following us around at saint michael's mount. he would run into the water and expect us to follow. he wanted so badly to be chased and played with.

once, he got close enough to pet and we were talking to him. i told him, very light heartedly, to find us a crab. and he was right by this rock and started sniffing. he was finding something and i started to pull the seaweed out of the way and there it was! a little crab! it was so funny and perfect. what a good little dog. he did exactly as he was told.

a few things about my life right now:

i live here with about 60 other people. 3 families. one of two. one of 3 and one of 6. two boys two girls, just like mine. the rest of the people here are 20-year-old girls. sometimes, it feels like hell.

i have a few little groups of friends. and there are many that are dear to me. but i will never live like this again. i am in a room with 13 other people in it. i hear that beloved private room calling my name all the way from provo. i miss having my own space.

i am learning about my happiness and about my sense of identity. i don't define myself by other people. i am made up of my own opinions and attitudes. i feel i am taking ownership of my life. i have claimed parts of my soul. a small part of it has been found in london. but mostly, i found them on jenkin's green in ambleside and on the cliffs in tintagel. i'm hoping to find a few more pieces in scotland and ireland in december.

london is a wonderful city. all the shops close at 6. only restaurants stay open late. i love it because it means people have lives. and people are doing more than shopping. eating is such a better hobby. i can appreciate their love of food and other people. it is greater than their need for material goods.

i like living here. i think this is my unofficial committment to live a fuller life here and take advantage of what is around me. more museums. more adventure. it all starts tonight at the concert with brooklynn and katie.

in loving memory

warren q mcneil

1 april 1929 to 12 october 2011

is this not a totally studly pic of my grandpa? he passed away last week. i know he is in a more comfortable place and i'm glad his suffering is done. emphysema isn't fun for anyone.

also, i'm love love this photo of my grandparents. i think it is so beautiful. can't wait to see g-ma darlene at christmas.

southern tour

our southern tour consisted of bath, glastonbury, hiking in tintagel and penzance, st. michaels mount, salisbury, stonehenge and stourhead gardens. oh, and jane austen's house, where i bought mansfield park. my favorite one.

me, tourist version, at the roman baths. ps- the water is real warm. also very green, as you can see.

lisa, ashley and me at the roman baths. friends forever.

bath abbey. i just love gothic architecture.

brooklynn and i got lost. then we found this vast garden. quaint and perfect.

pensive ash.

wild blackberries roam free in england. absolutely everywhere. i ate at least two handfuls of them. and i definitely got really nervous about getting the runs real bad. but i couldn't help myself. and luckily, i didn't.

kinsey and me at merlin's cave.

laura and emily sitting on a cliff. t-a-l-k-i-n-g.

hostel in salisbury. we went to the cathedral at night. and it was really super beautiful. i missed taking pictures at st. michaels mount. but they mostly would have been of catching crabs and playing with someone else's dog. it was great fun. i even put a starfish on my forehead.

i've had a hard time figuring out if i like garden's or not. we have been talking very philosophically about them and whether or not they are art. john and peter brought up the word sublime while we were in tintagel... and i think it sort of tainted me. i had this perfection in my mind, this sublime depiction of cliffs and humidity, and then we went to stourhead. and it just felt silly. then i realized i was just thinking too hard and i tried to enjoy the constructed beauty of the place.

widescreen shot at stourhead gardens. pretty beautiful.

friends at stonehenge. we took our sweet time.

there's stonehenge! and natalie.

oh, tony. our beloved coach driver. "great road, eh?"

conclusion: i still love my life, a lot. going home to london is a dream. i will try to be better at taking pics and posting them. also, on halloween... i'm gonna be in paris... shyeah.

buddy

this is Buddy, also known as Ax. sometimes we go outside together.

sometimes we draw in my notebook.

sometimes i read books to him outloud in the park.

he's good at making friends.

other times we sit in the parlor and just have a good time.

his heart is a locket.

feed the birds

climbed to the top of saint paul's cathedral. it was magical. i have pictures of the view. but this captures the moment better.

for honeybush

dear dearie, i'm sorry i haven't printed these and sent you a real piece of mail. but these pictures were taken with you in mind. enjoy.

love,

me

oh cambridge

subtle nuance is redundant. sorry, intellectual world. had to look up how to spell "intellectual".

oh beautiful cambridge.

river cam

one of the many gorgeous colleges at cambridge. its name is escaping me.

punting. best. with laurie and laura.

our dishy punting guide, omar.

"i bet you a million pounds you all make blogs."

elsa. cutest cutest baby. she's the daughter of one of our program directors.

i really am enjoying myself. sometimes i feel a lot older than some of the girls here. it's helping me understand how much life experience i do, actually, have. i feel confident here. i am making the effort to have time to myself because 45 girls this age is making me crazy. i'm beginning to hermit some times of the day, but i still feel productive. and i'm still at south bank every weekend with friends. making friends, keeping friends. balancing it all out in this historic city. i think i'm building a motto. i'll post it when it's finished.