2 week vacay beginnings

 meeting the beeb was great.  i mean, great great.  a gem of a memory. truly.

just look at her!  i dare you to keep looking.  you won't handle it.  she's too much.

two days ago i arrived in heaven(+biting flies) and i rode the bicycle that once belonged to my mother.  it was a big deal when she got it 'cus it was green.  and not blue or red.  also, i wore a baseball cap for the first time in a real long one.  it was nice.  i think i'll do it again.

i rode down the driveway, past the gate and fallen trees to the dirt road and rode that to the second closest lake to the cabin.  first closest is in front of me right now.  and i'm in the cabin.  anyway, it was lovely.  i completely enjoyed it.  a lot of times on family vacation, i wish that i could bring all of my friends.  and then it might be better.  but also, it's maybe best that my friends aren't exposed to this.  it's nutsy.  (ps- hand is on its way down from fixing the hat.  kinda silly)

!

today i get to see these people.

only the babe now looks like this. 

crazy right? crazy excited. 

alone v lonely

today, i wanted solitude.  so much.  so, after going to my favorite grocery store, buying my favorite fruit, and stopping by my favorite vending machine, i drove onto a "closed road".  i stopped and sat on top of my car. i watched and listened and smelled and thought.  i felt alone and not at all lonely.  i compared my surroundings to lounging on my bed wasting time on the internet or worse, television.  it felt like a breakthrough. 


i recently asked God for some specific blessings and have received pretty immediate responses.  when i was sitting there on my car in the sunlight, the overwhelming emotion i felt was peace.  not a habitual emotion for me.  i felt comfort and success and even a little progress.  it felt epic.  


in an attempt to keep this short, because this feels personal and i have no idea how many people care to read this, i will say:  alone and lonely are very different.  i have passively felt the depths of the latter, but am now choosing the former.  it feels like one of the top 3 choices i've ever made.  


with help from this video, posted recently by a friend, i'm starting a list of things to do alone.  i've decided not to be lonely.  and i'm pretty pleased about that. 

divided

if i could have separate lives, these are the lives i would live:
- the one i'm living now where i become an art teacher and renowned artist after grad school and much world travel.
- the one where i didn't switch to art and i really did become a PA and travel the world working with people and educating them about health.  i think i would live in south africa.  [this is the one i, maybe, wish most was reality]
- the one where i stay in dance classes past 7 years old and i become a triple threat (sing, dance, act) and live and work and love and eat in new york and london and other performing hubs.  [for this, i would have to be good at lying, of sorts, which i am not. very not.]
- the one where i live in the mountains and work at a horse stable teaching peeps to ride beautiful horses and i live outside.  where it's green.
- the one where i study languages, and get recruited by a secret operation because of my mad language skills.
- the one where i'm a jazz singer.
- the one where i have a folk band and i'm on the banjo. [not not an option.  double negative.]
- the one where i'm a midwife. and all i do is work with women and their babies.

i have far too many interests.  it makes it really hard to concentrate sometimes.

best holiday

i haven't always loved the 4th of july.  but, it has become a favorite for sure.

i'm obsessed with this picture. photo cred to "friend" and JM's phone.