poetry and criticism

this article is so good. 

finally feel like i'm learning how to be an artist.

???

i think i just had a really bad realization. 

first, i skipped all my usual bedtime routines.  i felt sick, and i wanted to sleep.  so i got in bed. 
3 hours later, i still wasn't asleep.  so, i gave up. 
i went out into the living room with a blanket and pillow.  brought my laptop out there too, and watched an episode of bones. 
maybe addiction is a real real thing.  i think that maybe this is real for me. 

bad realization?  can't sleep without bones?  or just can't sleep when i don't do all the bedtime stuff and it's too hot in my house?  and there's drama occupying my mind?  can't decide what to blame.  can't say i didn't try the sleeping thing for 3 solid hours though. 

gotta wake up in 3 and half hours.  damn.

gotta get ridda that gif

i'm tired of opening my blog and having that gif staring at me in the face saying, "you didn't actually do this! you used a free online program!  what a phony you are!"

some things about now:
-i'm sending a really good letter to whitney today.  pics and all.
-last night, CA and i went to IC and watched aftershock.  i cried more than i have in any other movie.  more than reign over me, even.  i know.  i know.
-this semester became very stressful very suddenly.
-i have been feeling so good about being back in america.
-i have not been feeling so good about 16 credits.
-it's great to be around friends and specifically boy friends.  i missed that.
-i straightened my hair this week.  huh?  who am i even?

also, something i've been feeling lately, that is rather old but still profound: love is real.  more real than anything else.  the noun, love.  the verb, love.  people love.  i love.
i don't know what romantic love looks/feels/smells like.  but i know it's beautiful.  and can be eternal.
i know that loving is so very easy. (way easier than hate)
love consumes me sometimes.  to a point where it's a little bit painful.  loving people that are not in your proximity is so hard.  not practically, just emotionally.  my life is spreading across the world.  and by that i mean the people i love are spreading across the world.  i think i'm saying this to help me keep track of the people/places i love and to always keep them in my mind, but maybe do a better job at compartmentalizing so that i can be productive too.

a hard truth: friends come and go.
i've accepted this.  but it still isn't fair.

fun w/ E

just made this.

ezpz

so, i just made a new blog on wordpress for an assignment.  i gotta say, it was draining.  i appreciate blogger and all it's google related simplicity.  thank you google for being true and best. 

birthday

i woke up to my dear friend's voice.  asking if she woke me up.  to my confirmation she giggled and rejoiced that she could be the first to wish me a happy birthday.  then she promptly told me to sleep once again.  so i did.

then i woke up in plenty of time to get ready.  i had a lot of time to get ready.  which is good, my hair needed attention.  but it worked itself out quickly.  and i wore my prettiest dress.  and the hardest decision i made today was which shoes to wear.  turns out my grey flats aren't so versatile. 

church is in the wilk.  a mere 7 minute walk from my house.  glory. 

sacrament meeting was great.  fast sunday.  i was able to bear my testimony of the Gospel, it's truth and the ability we have to prove our knowledge and religion through the Book of Mormon.  Jesus Christ is real and living.  He is my Savior. 

instead of sunday school, i jetted to the provo temple and saw my deariest of dears for one half hour.  it was wonderful.

i love her. 

then back for relief society.  then home to change clothes.  i talked to the fam for a bit on the phone.  and then it was off to "second sunday" dinner.  lovely pasta with cousins and friends. 

talked to the older bro on the way out of there.  and headed right to my little birthday get together.  which turned out not to be so little.  the place was packed.  and i felt so so so loved.  so many of my provo friends.  and just so many hugs.  after the party died, my brilliant friend started a compliment circle.  a compilation of 10 friends each took a turn saying what they liked about me and some stated their favorite memories.  it was...maybe the best gift i've gotten.  it was really so lovely. 

thank you to all who contributed to this birthday.  here i come 2012.  no regrets.  the year of spiritual progression and dental hygiene. 24 is going to be a great age.

bones!

i just watched two episodes of bones.  on my bed.  with my laptop.  i couldn't be more content.