real feelings

today we went to see the gerhard richter show at the tate modern. i wasn't expecting to enjoy it, to be honest. the only work i had seen of his was stuff i wasn't really impressed with. so, i just wasn't expecting to love it.

it was prefaced by a really enjoyable walk with brooklynn. we talked about real things and shared real friend details about our lives. boys and families and future and problem solving and decision making. it was just real. and lovely.

so, we arrived at the tate and got tickets for the exhibition and went in. he is still alive and still painting. there were 13 different rooms with paintings and installations. there were two abstractions of lions that began the effect. the next room had richter's first attempts at using a squeegee to paint and i was in awe. i stared and i thought. for the very first time in my life, i was inspired to paint. i feel empowered by these paintings. and i can truthfully say that i have not been affected by paintings this way before. i'm not even sure i really love all of richter's work, but the idea of his lifetime of work, his continuation of work, his exploration and his dedication to art and painting and life, is inspiring to me. so inspiring that i will paint tonight. paint and use a lot of paint, and take risks and use colors i may or may not be comfortable with. i feel hopeful about finding a niche and living with a passion for the rest of my life. this may not make a ton of sense to someone not engaged with art every day, but this is a breakthrough for me.

i feel so good.

i've got just over a month left in europe and i am doing my best to continue this fake dream life i'm living. i have so much to see and do. i am so happy here. and i know that i will come back to europe. i feel the fire for seeing the world and i feel very hopeful about loving every inch of it. i can't wait.

back to real life in january. not going to think about it.

another note: i think it's really the fall leaves that make thanksgiving so full of gratitude and love. the colors of thanksgiving are the best of all the colors. and i am grateful for color, and for the season that has claim over the best ones.