Ecuador

i found a piece of myself and my heart in Ecuador.  in South America.
i truly love Latin culture and i don't think i will ever get over it.

some things i learned/was reminded of during my travels and service:
teenage girls are exhausting and so much fun.  i look forward to years and years of experiences with them.
traveling with many (23) people is not preferred.
my spanish is better than i thought.
my spanish is better than it was before.
i really love speaking spanish.
people are the same, everywhere. just as good, just as petty, just as interesting.
human souls are of great, great worth.
not a person on this green earth is spared daily difficulties.  [or bigger ones, for that matter.]
communication has many forms. [when you stare into the eyes of a child with severe cerebral palsy and you ask them to tell you a story and their faces light up, you don't need words.]
love grows devastatingly fast and it is limitless.
working all day everyday is the easiest way to grow and learn.  being exhausted never felt so good.
laying bricks is pretty simple and rather enjoyable.
i, my body, could replace a cement mixer, but i'd rather not.
large stones don't move themselves.
always drink more water than you think you need.
the human body works through sicknesses pretty well, even foreign ones, if you rest it right.
God's blessings come abundantly when asked for and worked for.
no matter what i do, God has a plan for me, and will help me execute it.

i just can't process what happened.  i never would have signed up for something like HEFY on my own, but God brought it to me and said, "Madeline, you have to do this."  it changed everything.  i had a nice five year plan, a pretty good one, actually.  now, my life is a little different.  my goals are different.  my heart has turned.

i live an exciting life.  DC comes up in a few weeks and it brings new adventures.  what happens after that is a mystery, but i know it will be the best thing.  i have good options.

here are some of my favs from the trip.

my friend David.  (dah-veed, for those of you who don't speak spanish)

on the way to Incan ruins called Ingapirca.

man on horse. 

the maestros of our construction site. jose, manuel, me, patricio. flavio and yvon. 

the streets of beautiful Cuenca. 

let me tell you 'bout my week...

on monday, i was at training for a job in outdoor therapy in AZ.  tuesday i had a day off and i played with one great two year-old.  wednesday i was at the office ready and prepped for eight days in the wilderness.  really though, pumped and ready.  thursday i drove to LA area.  friday to Fresno.  and today, home to be with my lovely parents.  also, i sealed the deal on going to Ecuador for a month, leaving in three weeks.

the ANASAZI Foundation has been on my mind for months.  i talked to lots of people about it and got lots of feedback and encouragement.  i felt really excited about getting my own experience as a TrailWalker and being with people who need my help, and learning lots of really cool skills involving sticks and machetes.  lots of machetes.  i never felt like i got a solid feeling on whether or not i should be there, but i packed up and moved down to Mesa, AZ anyway.

i loved every moment of training.  i trained with 19 of the most wonderful people.  i'm in a moment of my life where i crave connection and recently hit a wind of it at the tail end of winter semester.  at ANASAZI, i found it readily and abundantly.  so many incredible people with incredible things to offer the world.  i learned and studied and grew.  for two and a half weeks i was there training.  wednesday, when i wasn't on the board, i was really disappointed, but at peace.

i thought about my family in CA the whole time i was in AZ and couldn't deny the awakening i had the day i was supposed to be on the trail.  Sunshine and i prayed, and the tears and confirmations of where i needed to be hit us both.  it's unfair that i don't get to be there this summer.  i really really wanted it.  but i knew it would be wrong for me to stay.  that was wednesday.

friday afternoon i caught wind that the Humanitarian Experience for Youth was looking for a leader in Ecuador from late June to late July.  i called and got more information.  that was yesterday.

today, i agreed to help in Ecuador, and on monday i will have my flight itinerary.  i leave in three and a half weeks.

so that is what's happening with me this week.  i can't understand any of it.  i said goodbye to the collegiate phase of life three weeks ago.  leaving anasazi was hard to do.  but the Anasazi Way penetrated my heart and will always walk with me.  i look forward to going back and staying in touch.  i really don't want to be cheesy, but i am honestly not making any decisions here.  i feel like i'm following and being tossed and guided.  i don't regret anything.  adventure is happening.  i don't know what i'm doing.  not at all.  but it feels great.

another year

first, another year is a great movie.  sorta slow, but nice. i enjoyed it.

so now, my take on the old one and a brief talk about the new one.

in the last year, as a general rule, i have felt pretty unhappy.  there were moments of greatness, but for the majority, i was struggling.  spiritually, mentally, emotionally.  i wanted 2012 to be a year of progression and of learning and growth.  while i have definitely progressed, it hasn't been in ways i was expecting.  and maybe not as prolific as i was hoping. still, it has been productive.  but mostly, i'm glad its over.

in the last few days i have begun to feel hope like i haven't felt before.  not an immense hope for great things or impressive changes.  but a simple peace about my future that i can really appreciate. i feel better about my life and where i'm headed.  i feel good about my anticipated profession and career.  and while i have exciting things semi-planned for the the year ahead, i know that whatever needs to happen will happen.  and i can handle it.  i just hope i can remember this sensation and bring it back when i'm days away from my final show.

yesterday's birthday celebration made me really happy to know i have so many fantastic people in my life.  so many of them.  i felt loved and cherished and i'm sort of in awe of the effect.  sometimes i hate the word grateful, just because of it's usage, but i think it's precisely what i feel.  indebted.  forever.  to the people i love, because i know they love me back.

here's the only pic i took last night.  one year ago these girls and i were becoming roommates.  one is married, one is going on a mission.  what a difference a year makes.