unintentional hiatus

real and honest friends seem hard to come by for a lot of people. [here is where i say, "but not i." but i won't, because that isn't the point.] they just sort of happen without thinking about it. no need for a proposal, or asking someone to meet specific needs. friendship just happens. just exists. and more often than i think.

as the summer lives on, i have met and appreciated so many people. not just personalities, or traits. but people. real people. people who are in, no longer in, or not yet in, my life. i'm losing my sense of perfection and its associated, romantic expectation. a person is a person, and shouldn't be expected to be more. learning to feel this with my soul has helped me accept reality. that life is real and honest, and thereby allows people to be so.

now, i don't mean life is honest in a sense that lies never happen, but that lies are real, and i have to learn to deal with them. reality is no longer something i must face, but something i already live in. reality is learning the hard way, even though people my elder offer help and advice. reality is learning the hard way because its the easiest way to learn. reality is experience. and adventure.

my innate sense of worry has given way to my growing sense of adventure lately. i've jumped off bridges. spent every moment possible outside. i have many mosquito bites. [not that that is an indicator of adventurism, but maybe. or maybe just stupidity.] but more than in my activities, my exploration has branched to my relationships. i am in new and exciting friendships. i am in old and comfortable friendships. i am learning from and about these friends. these friends may, or maybe not, be learning from and about me. surprisingly enough, it has taken me 23 and a half years to figure out the idea of a two-way street.

i feel good. i feel strong. i feel lovable and confident. i feel full of faith. i feel uncertain and uncomfortable. i feel nervous. i feel adventurous.

i like my life. i like my friends. i feel the word "like" is underused. there is too much to live for. i'm learning to pace myself and let the happenings come as they will.

i haven't got it all figured out, but i'm getting it in pieces and liking it. new is almost always hard, but almost always good. here is to new everything. and letting new be old one day.