a topic

i started watching this movie last night.  and finished it this morning before i went into the studio.
now, it IS rated r.  however, i will say that most of my uncomfort came from the tension of the film.
a synopsis for those who can't watch the trailer or something: michael and joana are married. joana accuses michael of being attracted to his coworker lady-friend after a work party.  they argue. then he goes on a business trip with her.  while he's away, joana runs into an old love flare that she is clearly still invested in.  the movie switches back and forth between their evenings and i couldn't decide which was more disappointing.  the man contemplating having sex with a woman other than his wife, even though he is devoted to her and loves her(his wife) or the woman who is open about her doubts concerning her marriage, is faithful, but still in love with another man.

i cried watching it.

there were many moments of two people simply holding each other because they don't have anything else to do.  i think i long to be held because i am loved.

- - -

tonight a dear friend was talking with me about my love life and some complications i'm embracing.  and she shared this song.



i, in all honesty, do not know if i believe that song. the temporality of it. there are people that never get married or find true love. i just think that its not a given for everyone.  and i think my disbelief in the song is in direct correlation with my fear of never finding true love myself.

i have conflicting emotions toward that possibility.  after having met an incredible, 65 year-old single woman who has helped hundreds, at the least, in their educations and careers, i have hope for my life no matter what.  but i'm still pondering and still thinking about what it would mean to never be loved enough to marry.  not that there is any shortage of love in the world, but still, a mormon girl thinks about these things.  it's hard not to feel equal love.

i know these thoughts are unfinished. but, they feel significant.