sometimes

sometimes i'm just real glad for non-sunday school on a bench outside with this girl.  

sometimes i just need that. 

i found myself really feeling in the pits on sunday.  heavy stuff from important friends.  i hurt when my friends hurt.  and its not easy to put on a cheery face all the time.  luckily, slash unluckily, my roommates were feeling the same way and i got to just sit outside and talk and nap and cook and eat and play.  benefits of being a ysa, i guess.  but let me just say, that there are some serious disadvantages.  to being a ysa, i mean.  

i never really expected to feel the way i do right now, but mostly because my imagination couldn't get outside college and byu.  boy, have i learned.  i'm so aware of the hard parts of life right now.  i'm aware of judgement and discrimination.  of rejection and dejection.  of depression and change.  this wise girl told me on sunday to make sure i knew what i was getting into.  we all get difficulties and challenges, and sometimes we choose them, but to be sure i know what i'm choosing and be aware of the consequences that could follow.  such wise words right?  she is beyond her years. 

anyway.  phases of emotion.  congrats, i'm a human.  ebb and flow, right?  right.  the Lord has a plan.  that much, i know.