a new thing

i'm getting really into staying in touch with people.

all people.

all people i like.

a real human being

so, some days, i really really love being at my home by myself.  it feels like the perfect little thing i've been needing.  this evening i got a little time to myself.  lovely.  i feel like i'm finally listening to my body, and some days, you just need arepas, cookie dough and a bath.  and to paint your nails a new color.  even if the color doesn't really show.  maybe that's what i love most about it.

sometimes it's just plain old nice to treat your body like you love it.  like you know it.  like you notice it. 

i wish that taking care of a spirit was as easy. 

i guess i don't really know how i problem solve.  often i feel like i melt.  but as of recently, i haven't been so proactive about solutions.  i wish that i were.  i wish that there was a magical answer for the questions i have and also i wish that maybe i didn't enjoy not getting them so much.  i don't mean to say that i'm enjoying a little distance from spirituality or anything.  i just feel in full the range of human emotion and struggle. well, maybe not in full, but we all have our limits and our hardships. 

i just feel so satisfied with the fact that i am asking and wondering and searching and struggling and trying.  it feels like real life, even though i live in provo.  where dreams are dreamed(pronounced dreamt).

i've been thinking a lot about my future and graduate school.  also about leaving provo eventually.  and even though i may miss provo, the idea of being somewhere else sounds real nice to me.  really real.  living a different life, where i can read books and make food and have a significant income with rather limited expenses.  i can still do those things here, minus the income.  but in my brain, reading to read just can't happen without a substantial amount of guilt(that is paralyzing some times). 

in summation, i feel conflicted and filled with wonder concerning many things.  when i talk about them i feel passionate, and that feels great. although, some straight up answers/results could be great, i think. 

also, i got my piano back.  i've been playing it. 

a needed break.

a weekend in boise.  just what i needed to get me back on the blogosphere. my friends CA, S, L and J roadtripped with me in a little prius to save gas and the environment all the way to CA's old stomping grounds in boise.  i had never been, but i did so enjoy it.  

here's the seal at the capitol building.  two extra sets of feet.  CA's bro B and an old friend of mine. 

found the self-timer.  beautiful building, am i right?

 we played a game called see how far you can get on a 2 second timer.  funny. 

 the whole crew in the capitol.  post dance party.  yep.  with an iphone.  in the capitol.  

 the greatest climbing tree.  we sat here and had some good talks.
also, i did a few poses.

the beautiful boise river.  it was a great sunday afternoon walk. talk of many great books. and such great bonding moments.  

therapy

today i made james beard's french style bread. 
then i went to sacrament meeting only. 
then i made french onion soup with E. 
then i washed (all) the dishes. 
then i made cookies. 

i think cooking is a serious outlet for me. starting now.

frantic and flattered

today, i was walking, pretty fast.  because i have had butterflies in my stomach all day.  just nerves.  i'm not going to explain.  but i was feeling slightly frantic. 

i could feel someone walking behind me, and i could hear them make a tiny coughing/clearing throat sound.  and then they spoke.  a young man.  well dressed.  accessorized.  he said, "would you mind if i took a photo of you for a style blog?" 

i said sure as a i took a half step back and just sort of looked at him.  he snapped his photo and put his camera down.  i asked him his name, i told him mine.  short pause... "have a good day!"  i said.  then i started walking again. 

seriously?

it was funny and awkward.  but i felt so flattered.  i did actually construct the outfit i wore today.  and i felt good about it.  got a lot of compliments.  i'll post the pic when he does.  ps- i had to ask around and fb stalk to find out the blog.  no one thought it necessary to mention when the photo was taken. (???)

anyway.  a good day.  for you, ALH.  just like you asked.