why we have best friends

so, its one of those times where i think i can do homework and watch old movies at the same time.  but really what i'm doing is blogging.  so there you go. 

tonight i was on the phone with my bestie across the country, and we were talking about some things.
updates on work, and school respectively.  i have to write a research paper on an artist who contextualizes me. and i'm looking at this woman.  i was explaining her artwork and this ensued:
me-
"well, we're not totally alike.  i'm not making mormon work, but i am making spiritual work."
bestie-
"that's maybe the coolest thing you've ever said."
me-
"wha?"
bestie-
"that's maybe the coolest thing you've ever said."
me-
"oh."

haha.  i'm feeling full of ideas and really pretty great about it.  not stressed at all. school work will be at maximum in the coming weeks, so... expect some random posts. 

bandwagon

consider this one jumped.

necessities

some days all i want to do is make stuff. 

necessary items in my life:
needles.
thread.
fabric.
glue.
paper.
envelopes.
knitting needles.
pens. lots of pens.
notebooks.(thanks cam and katie for providing so many.)
postcards.
photo editing software.
scissors.
books.

today, i need to do homework. 

a new thing

i'm getting really into staying in touch with people.

all people.

all people i like.

a real human being

so, some days, i really really love being at my home by myself.  it feels like the perfect little thing i've been needing.  this evening i got a little time to myself.  lovely.  i feel like i'm finally listening to my body, and some days, you just need arepas, cookie dough and a bath.  and to paint your nails a new color.  even if the color doesn't really show.  maybe that's what i love most about it.

sometimes it's just plain old nice to treat your body like you love it.  like you know it.  like you notice it. 

i wish that taking care of a spirit was as easy. 

i guess i don't really know how i problem solve.  often i feel like i melt.  but as of recently, i haven't been so proactive about solutions.  i wish that i were.  i wish that there was a magical answer for the questions i have and also i wish that maybe i didn't enjoy not getting them so much.  i don't mean to say that i'm enjoying a little distance from spirituality or anything.  i just feel in full the range of human emotion and struggle. well, maybe not in full, but we all have our limits and our hardships. 

i just feel so satisfied with the fact that i am asking and wondering and searching and struggling and trying.  it feels like real life, even though i live in provo.  where dreams are dreamed(pronounced dreamt).

i've been thinking a lot about my future and graduate school.  also about leaving provo eventually.  and even though i may miss provo, the idea of being somewhere else sounds real nice to me.  really real.  living a different life, where i can read books and make food and have a significant income with rather limited expenses.  i can still do those things here, minus the income.  but in my brain, reading to read just can't happen without a substantial amount of guilt(that is paralyzing some times). 

in summation, i feel conflicted and filled with wonder concerning many things.  when i talk about them i feel passionate, and that feels great. although, some straight up answers/results could be great, i think. 

also, i got my piano back.  i've been playing it. 

a needed break.

a weekend in boise.  just what i needed to get me back on the blogosphere. my friends CA, S, L and J roadtripped with me in a little prius to save gas and the environment all the way to CA's old stomping grounds in boise.  i had never been, but i did so enjoy it.  

here's the seal at the capitol building.  two extra sets of feet.  CA's bro B and an old friend of mine. 

found the self-timer.  beautiful building, am i right?

 we played a game called see how far you can get on a 2 second timer.  funny. 

 the whole crew in the capitol.  post dance party.  yep.  with an iphone.  in the capitol.  

 the greatest climbing tree.  we sat here and had some good talks.
also, i did a few poses.

the beautiful boise river.  it was a great sunday afternoon walk. talk of many great books. and such great bonding moments.  

therapy

today i made james beard's french style bread. 
then i went to sacrament meeting only. 
then i made french onion soup with E. 
then i washed (all) the dishes. 
then i made cookies. 

i think cooking is a serious outlet for me. starting now.

frantic and flattered

today, i was walking, pretty fast.  because i have had butterflies in my stomach all day.  just nerves.  i'm not going to explain.  but i was feeling slightly frantic. 

i could feel someone walking behind me, and i could hear them make a tiny coughing/clearing throat sound.  and then they spoke.  a young man.  well dressed.  accessorized.  he said, "would you mind if i took a photo of you for a style blog?" 

i said sure as a i took a half step back and just sort of looked at him.  he snapped his photo and put his camera down.  i asked him his name, i told him mine.  short pause... "have a good day!"  i said.  then i started walking again. 

seriously?

it was funny and awkward.  but i felt so flattered.  i did actually construct the outfit i wore today.  and i felt good about it.  got a lot of compliments.  i'll post the pic when he does.  ps- i had to ask around and fb stalk to find out the blog.  no one thought it necessary to mention when the photo was taken. (???)

anyway.  a good day.  for you, ALH.  just like you asked.

poetry and criticism

this article is so good. 

finally feel like i'm learning how to be an artist.

???

i think i just had a really bad realization. 

first, i skipped all my usual bedtime routines.  i felt sick, and i wanted to sleep.  so i got in bed. 
3 hours later, i still wasn't asleep.  so, i gave up. 
i went out into the living room with a blanket and pillow.  brought my laptop out there too, and watched an episode of bones. 
maybe addiction is a real real thing.  i think that maybe this is real for me. 

bad realization?  can't sleep without bones?  or just can't sleep when i don't do all the bedtime stuff and it's too hot in my house?  and there's drama occupying my mind?  can't decide what to blame.  can't say i didn't try the sleeping thing for 3 solid hours though. 

gotta wake up in 3 and half hours.  damn.

gotta get ridda that gif

i'm tired of opening my blog and having that gif staring at me in the face saying, "you didn't actually do this! you used a free online program!  what a phony you are!"

some things about now:
-i'm sending a really good letter to whitney today.  pics and all.
-last night, CA and i went to IC and watched aftershock.  i cried more than i have in any other movie.  more than reign over me, even.  i know.  i know.
-this semester became very stressful very suddenly.
-i have been feeling so good about being back in america.
-i have not been feeling so good about 16 credits.
-it's great to be around friends and specifically boy friends.  i missed that.
-i straightened my hair this week.  huh?  who am i even?

also, something i've been feeling lately, that is rather old but still profound: love is real.  more real than anything else.  the noun, love.  the verb, love.  people love.  i love.
i don't know what romantic love looks/feels/smells like.  but i know it's beautiful.  and can be eternal.
i know that loving is so very easy. (way easier than hate)
love consumes me sometimes.  to a point where it's a little bit painful.  loving people that are not in your proximity is so hard.  not practically, just emotionally.  my life is spreading across the world.  and by that i mean the people i love are spreading across the world.  i think i'm saying this to help me keep track of the people/places i love and to always keep them in my mind, but maybe do a better job at compartmentalizing so that i can be productive too.

a hard truth: friends come and go.
i've accepted this.  but it still isn't fair.

fun w/ E

just made this.

ezpz

so, i just made a new blog on wordpress for an assignment.  i gotta say, it was draining.  i appreciate blogger and all it's google related simplicity.  thank you google for being true and best. 

birthday

i woke up to my dear friend's voice.  asking if she woke me up.  to my confirmation she giggled and rejoiced that she could be the first to wish me a happy birthday.  then she promptly told me to sleep once again.  so i did.

then i woke up in plenty of time to get ready.  i had a lot of time to get ready.  which is good, my hair needed attention.  but it worked itself out quickly.  and i wore my prettiest dress.  and the hardest decision i made today was which shoes to wear.  turns out my grey flats aren't so versatile. 

church is in the wilk.  a mere 7 minute walk from my house.  glory. 

sacrament meeting was great.  fast sunday.  i was able to bear my testimony of the Gospel, it's truth and the ability we have to prove our knowledge and religion through the Book of Mormon.  Jesus Christ is real and living.  He is my Savior. 

instead of sunday school, i jetted to the provo temple and saw my deariest of dears for one half hour.  it was wonderful.

i love her. 

then back for relief society.  then home to change clothes.  i talked to the fam for a bit on the phone.  and then it was off to "second sunday" dinner.  lovely pasta with cousins and friends. 

talked to the older bro on the way out of there.  and headed right to my little birthday get together.  which turned out not to be so little.  the place was packed.  and i felt so so so loved.  so many of my provo friends.  and just so many hugs.  after the party died, my brilliant friend started a compliment circle.  a compilation of 10 friends each took a turn saying what they liked about me and some stated their favorite memories.  it was...maybe the best gift i've gotten.  it was really so lovely. 

thank you to all who contributed to this birthday.  here i come 2012.  no regrets.  the year of spiritual progression and dental hygiene. 24 is going to be a great age.

bones!

i just watched two episodes of bones.  on my bed.  with my laptop.  i couldn't be more content.