made it

this picture was just after a 4 hour, then 7 hour flight; half hour taxi drive; 10 minute figure-out-where-we-are-and-why-we're-not-where-we're-supposed-to-be; and a 20 minute walk to where we really were supposed to be. gotta love new places.

how?

i said to myself, one half of an hour ago, that i would only work for another hour. just enough time to be productive and watch S1:E4 - the man in the bear. (note: addiction is real)

i have half a page to write for homework. i have homework again.

almost all the way done packing. flight leaves in the morning. am i living a real life???

i love candids

i really love this. i really love most candid photos. but i really love this. and i really love this woman. she is a good woman. and i admire her. not goodbye forever. but goodbye to the way things used to be. which is always harder than saying to goodbye to a real person. i've sort of been singing this song to myself for a while. it seems fitting. minus the part about leaving your past behind.

i like my past. its a good past. i don't want to forget it. but i'm determined not to re-live it.

last night i read some old journal entries, and i wrote a new journal entry. i'm starting something new. i'm going to write the specific things i learn from people in my journal. that way i know exactly why they are important to me. it may even help me be bold and say them out loud.

photo countdown

this happens again in a week. (minus the dude)

maybe not quite this(but maybe) happens again in a week and a day.

at this table with a couple of these people in 11 days.

and i end up here in precisely 18 days. with one day of travel. so i'm counting 17.

my life is great. great great.

ps- my program directors asked me about my spanish abilities. maybe i'll get assigned to a spanish unit in london. i'm kind of excited.

provo summer

mine ends in two weeks.

time to live it up before i really REALLY live it up in 24 days.

time to get my passport ready.

photo update

so i'm aware that most people that read this can see these pictures on the fb. however, i needed to document the summer for myself because i've been avoiding my dumb camera. anyone with a left over point-and-shoot, feel free to donate to my cause.

from the beginning of summer to present:

bestie K and i making the spiral jetty at the dinosaur museum. best.

at a wedding for somebody i don't know. but it was fun to be with my friends. and it was beautiful. they were filthy dirty rich. i'm not even mentioning the tucanos catering.

hiking with the roomies. found a great little rock to settle on up the canyon a bit. it was a good day.

barbeque pre-4th of july. we didn't know what to do with our hands.

funnel cake with GC and long lost roomie R. fun. very fun.

two of my very favorite (vavorite) things. elote and being with wsb.

jumping off the bridge on the 4th of july. i was so proud of myself.

some besties. just before the best fireworks.

cousins in driggs, ID. beautiful weekend.

it's been a great summer so far.

a few things

1- i hate that i can't save photos off fb anymore. they get all weird and save a butt-ton of pictures to your downloads file. correct me if i'm wrong.

2- i just had this thought, "in a few years, when all these people are really grown up and we don't live in the same place anymore, we'll be able to read blogs, and re-connect. or just remember the good ol' times." it was a good thought.

3- hair by lady gaga is truly one of my favorite songs right now.

3.5- i know that summertime is usually filled with short hair and sunshine, but i am loving getting-longer curls. it feels the most summery to me.

4- europe countdown: [not counting today] 45 days.

5- the plan is almost set in stone to have a teeny pre-europe adventure in chicago and madison. look out midwest, you thought you'd miss me this year.

6- temples are wonderful places. still riding a high from wednesday eve.

7- 3:15am showing of HP7 P2 last night. two things about it: worth it and never again.

8- i don't actually count 8 things as a few. it goes like this in my brain: one(1), a couple(2), a few(3-4), a handful(5-6), several(7-unknown). after 7 it gets confusing for everybody, so i avoid counting that high. speaking of counting...

9- i really love summer activities. number one being lawn/porch sitting.

10- going to jackson hole this weekend. i'll get to see my mom's bro's fam, which is the last on that side i have to see post-mish.

11- humans live saga to saga. my next comes march 23,2012. hunger games.

that is all.

unintentional hiatus

real and honest friends seem hard to come by for a lot of people. [here is where i say, "but not i." but i won't, because that isn't the point.] they just sort of happen without thinking about it. no need for a proposal, or asking someone to meet specific needs. friendship just happens. just exists. and more often than i think.

as the summer lives on, i have met and appreciated so many people. not just personalities, or traits. but people. real people. people who are in, no longer in, or not yet in, my life. i'm losing my sense of perfection and its associated, romantic expectation. a person is a person, and shouldn't be expected to be more. learning to feel this with my soul has helped me accept reality. that life is real and honest, and thereby allows people to be so.

now, i don't mean life is honest in a sense that lies never happen, but that lies are real, and i have to learn to deal with them. reality is no longer something i must face, but something i already live in. reality is learning the hard way, even though people my elder offer help and advice. reality is learning the hard way because its the easiest way to learn. reality is experience. and adventure.

my innate sense of worry has given way to my growing sense of adventure lately. i've jumped off bridges. spent every moment possible outside. i have many mosquito bites. [not that that is an indicator of adventurism, but maybe. or maybe just stupidity.] but more than in my activities, my exploration has branched to my relationships. i am in new and exciting friendships. i am in old and comfortable friendships. i am learning from and about these friends. these friends may, or maybe not, be learning from and about me. surprisingly enough, it has taken me 23 and a half years to figure out the idea of a two-way street.

i feel good. i feel strong. i feel lovable and confident. i feel full of faith. i feel uncertain and uncomfortable. i feel nervous. i feel adventurous.

i like my life. i like my friends. i feel the word "like" is underused. there is too much to live for. i'm learning to pace myself and let the happenings come as they will.

i haven't got it all figured out, but i'm getting it in pieces and liking it. new is almost always hard, but almost always good. here is to new everything. and letting new be old one day.

update

maybe i have been avoiding this. i'm not super sure why. all i know is that whenever i think to type in my url, i don't.

here's the 411-

-i've been very happy in my new house with CA and RB.

-i've just been working at the leebrary and its going well. i may or may not be getting a second job there. 40 hour work week, here i come!

-i'm riding my bike every where and i love it.

-for some reason, i just want to make and eat these.

-i'm going to moab this weekend and i cannot wait.

-maybe i'm getting a new phone. it kind of feels like a hair cut. i don't want to get rid of what i have, but it just sort of feels like the right time to make a change. so that's exciting.

-i might have my own room for the summer term.

all great things.

too too funny

two wonderful brothers

i just bought a backpack for me to use camping and in europe soon. i did a little bit of searching around, but i would never have known what i was really doing without these two dudes.

obviously, there are more occurrences than just this week, but i have been especially grateful for their knowledge and willingness to share it with me. thanks for being loving and thanks for being good brothers. love you both.

my art

this has been a long time coming. here is some of my pottery. i have had a few requests in the past, and now it's here. this is the portfolio i used when i applied, and got in, to the BFA program. note: a few of these pieces are broken now. not all are still available.

saucer

cup with lines

square cup

raku cup

tea time in lacrosse (my piece that showed in the Mud Show 2010 - BYU Gallery 303)

segmented bowl

large serving bowl

skinny vase

square vase (two views)

asymetrical vase

bulbous vase

open vase

if you would like some of my work feel free to contact me, they are definitely for sale. i think i want to start working on commission soon too. keep in touch and let me know what you think. one day i'll have my own website for this kind of stuff.

what a turn around

last night, this woman [as wonderful as she is] haunted my dreams.

i dreamed that there was a girl painter that needed space in our studio, and V here offered up my very own space! i sat and pouted for a little while. she said i should have been working harder since the semester ended and then all of a sudden my space was clear and i couldn't do anything about it. V noticed how i was feeling, and said, "i gotta go talk to Slacker over here," and came to talk to me. she asked if i had anything to say for my work from the semester. i said no, because i felt sheepish. anyway, i woke up in a virtual sweat. i was so uncomfortable.

roommate CA and i went to the spring salon show in springville, and that was nice. the day was okay. then i got a voicemale from a lady back in my hometown. guess who's going to LA stake girls camp twenty eleven? thats right. me. i'm makin' it work. i'll most likely be hiking with some 3rd or 4th years. who knows.

then at work i get the updated version of our calendar for england. did i mention i'm going to england? for 3 months? and i'm visiting ireland afterward? well i am.

anyway, i got this sudden wave of excitement for everything that's happening and will be happening in the future. it was especially great after the chat i had last night with roomie CA about some transition anxiety i have been feeling.

new house. new ward. new adventures.

i'm feeling so positive and so excited for everything that is coming. known and unknown. just feelin' good. had to share it.

also, feelin' great about these women being in my life.

the blog-o-sphere

i have been out of touch for a while, not because of the 18 month sabbatical [btw, i have been home 8 months as of monday of this week], but because my school work has been taking over my life. i didn't check my email or facebook for 3 whole days. i came back and eventually got to my google reader. [ps- how are facebook and google not in the online dictionary? its 2011 people. get that squiggly red line out from under those words.] i found 15 new posts for me to read! i try to stay on top of my reader. i like knowing about people. but 15 seemed outrageous. anyway, among them were posts from friends and family. sibs and cousins and roommates and just friends. let this be my way of saying, thanks for your friendship. thanks for being part of my life, and thanks for sharing your photos and families with me. i like reading your blogs.

much love, guys. much love.

paralyzed

whenever i have to write a paper... i get paralyzed.

i'll start feeling again tomorrow after 9:30 am. we'll see how it goes.

wish me luck.