paralyzed

whenever i have to write a paper... i get paralyzed.

i'll start feeling again tomorrow after 9:30 am. we'll see how it goes.

wish me luck.

untitled

how do you fight this?

-"the leading cause of divorce is marriage"
-"intimacy breeds conflict"
-the fact that none of the conflict approaches sounded productive or really functional

all this coming from an article in marriage prep. conflict type and conflict resolution.
i may or may not be losing hope right now...

slice of heaven

watched one of my favorite movies, keeping mum, last night. with 4 of my very favorite people. ever. so so favorite.

today, i'm making pistachio bread for a potluck at b-66 and listening to slow jazz and NPR. best day ever???

oh yeah, and later i'm going to big lots with hopefully two of those 4 favorites.

tentative plan

this week i have been forming a tentative plan for my life. starting with this summer, because it seems like a great time of life. summer in provo, living with CA riding my bike(pics to come). autumn in London with john bennion and peter everett. winter back in provo to start art education. summer in alaska, so i can make bank and maybe pay off some loans. autumn again in provo to finish up art education. winter in india to do my student teaching and hang out with dani maybe? it didn't really become a plan until the india part became a possibility. but it sounds like an adventure to me. plus, i can really only handle provo so much at one time. it will have been a year by the end of the summer, and it will be time to GET OUT.
thoughts? improvements? suggestions?

why i love my major

NO H-ING PAPERS.

recent inspiration

last week i was sitting in a gallery for about 20 minutes just listening and experiencing. sometimes i think it is the single healthiest thing i could do for my mind, just sitting and pondering. i thought about the artist, the art, the idea, my ideas, my art, me as an artist. i felt so inspired to do something great. i don't know how or why i have discovered this love of mine, but its priceless to me. i feel like i have been searching for passion my whole life. i found a piece of it. i just wrote in my little red book and thought. about my past, and my future. my worth and its definition. i don't think i have been defined by that specific show, but the more art i see, the more defined i become. i am building a person of strength, courage, and diligence. i've got my faults like everyone else, but i'm re-learning to focus on my abilities.

in my own artwork, i have been working smaller. little entities of humans. they don't look like people at all, but when they interact with each other, you can tell there is a conversation. for another unknown reason, i have been intrigued and inspired by conversation and representing it and creating it. i'm trying to understand how people are perceived and how simple body movements change feeling in someone else. body language is more universal than any other and i think thats fascinating.

i have to make plans for more people watching, because i think that is the essence of what i'm trying to represent. a moment in the time two beings have together without the whole story. thats what i want to capture. and i LOVE this. i love what i do. i love being real. and i'm passionate about having passions.

here are some artists who inspire me:

jean claude and christo - wrapped trees

peter haakon thompson - www.the-a-project.org

sylvia ramachandran - i can't seem to find her site. but i had a wonderful studio visit with her.

jennifer lee - just beautiful pottery.

go. create conversation.

for everyone

here's a beautiful video my friend whitney put on her blog. its a public service announcement. just, enjoy.

two kisses and a rose

i just wanted to say that it was maybe my best [and maybe this is really saying something] valentine's day ever yesterday. i didn't have class, i did some homemaking things like cleaning my room, putting the ipod on shuffle, doing some dishes and folding laundry while i listened to npr. i got kissed on both sides of my face and i got a surprise rose from a neighbor. thank you kev, matthew and rob for making it a great day.

feb. 11

this day in history:

i went into the MTC 2 years ago.

but more importantly, Cairo made its own history.

tired of a common feeling

you know how you have those days where you just sort of feel worthless? i think i've been having too many of those. i really miss my bf lauren and its hard to feel like i have any friends as good as her. she always made me feel funny and smart and worth her time. i truly don't mean to be making a cry for help or pity or anything. i'm just tired of not saying how i feel.

at times i feel like i'm not allowed to feel bad or sad or insecure. like i just shouldn't talk about it if thats how i really feel. its probably just me thinking/feeling that way, but its real. i feel like, if what i'm feeling isn't happy and exciting, its not worth sharing. not worth bringing someone else down. but then i don't end up getting anything out, and i'm just mopey all the time, which i HATE. i don't like it when other people are mopey, and i seriously don't like being the mopey one. i miss having that person around who always validated me and always made me feel worth while. crying doesn't really make anything better. so really its just getting out and creating friendships that didn't exist before. i guess i should just be grateful for a friend like lauren. so, heres to you, lauren. and to my two other besties who moved away.

women i want to be like

chris ramsey

anne gregorson

janell zulick

more on how the paper went tomorrow.

task avoiding

gotta write a 7-8 page paper on my own strengths and weaknesses when it comes to relationships. what else would i do right now?

ps- picture found my googling "whats crazy". i. love. internets.

today

facts of life:
-if honey vanilla chamomile tea were a man, i would marry him this afternoon.
-i like sleep better than hard work and stress.
-i forgot how great this album is.
-i feel like i'll always be catching up.

so nice, but so stressful

so, i'm volunteering at the sundance film fest this week. and i gotta say, it has its perks. down vest, timberland gloves, nalgene water bottle, new friends and tons of great flicks to see. today i watched both screenings i was there for. the first one was nice. low budget, but great. i sat in the theater with friend evan. it was a nice surprise. the second one was actually really good. but i just watched it from the projection room.

so the stress is this: i love being at sundance. its a great atmosphere. but it is SO stressful to try to get all my homework, work and studio time in when i'm volunteering this many hours. how do people do it? anyway. 6 page paper here i come.

worth it

just saw a grown man walk into and promptly out of the women's bathroom. waking up early to get to work at 8 so i can be gone all day teaching and get back and have to study more? worth it.